Foreplay is a concept that creates a lot of confusion and misunderstandings amongst sexual beings. I asked a bunch of people if they could define what “Foreplay” meant to them and here are some of the answers:

“It’s the warm up”.

“Oral, hand jobs, everything but intercourse”.

“The preparation for sex”.

Now, all of the above are partly true, but also very limiting. The problem with Sex Ed is that historically it has taught us that sex is only “penetration” and all other forms of sexual engagement are just a way to prep or a bonus. Sex is everyting that we attribute sexual value to: touching, kissing, watching, actively participating, virtual sex, masturbation, you name it. 

Let’s create a new concept for “Foreplay” that does justice to the potential of the experience. Think about the “prep” as a transition between your “walking” self to your “erotic” self. What do you need to feel erotic and sensual? What gets you in the mood? How do you find connection with your own body and your desires?   What would make that transition smoother? 

Foreplay is every component from that transition between your “walking” self to your “erotic” self. Think about transitioning between the role you are occupying during day to day life; professional, parent, friend, daughter/son, student, boss; to jumping into the driver seat of your fantasies and desires. Foreplay with your partner means you are taking care of each other, taking time to connect, being kind, flirting, opening the space for safe communication, checking in with one another, for example. Think about creating opportunities with each other, or with yourself, to be erotic. Foreplay is fun, kind, creative, ever-evolving. Foreplay can look different for different people. And, as defined by Esther Perel, “Foreplay begins at the end of the last orgasm”.